the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
