My liver just broke up with me...
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
A bitchslap is in order.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
