ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
try to milk me bitch
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
