Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
