Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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