i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
