the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
