Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Houston, we have a blender
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Randomize
