I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
