hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
