Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Randomize
