I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
