Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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