I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So much rum. So many feels.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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