Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
