clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
