Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
