I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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