singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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