im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
