Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
