I am puke
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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