At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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