R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
