its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
