God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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