Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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