what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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