I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
