That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
