My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So much rum. So many feels.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
