I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
