i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
