but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
