Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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