Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
