Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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