dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize