addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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