my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
