So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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