matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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