The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
