Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
