So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
