At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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