you have to choose: penises or morals?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
