hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
