that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize