i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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