you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
