It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
