my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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