You just made me feel so damn special
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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