Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
