my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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