What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
