Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
