I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
