You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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