the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
