i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
