My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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