so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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