Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
