i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I cut my penus on the lid.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
