If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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