Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
These tits shall not be calmed
I want a musical about memes.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
