Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
