After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
